| now is | once was | came from | heard tell |

5:49 p.m. - 2005-07-11

and then

And so this is Something now, you know, that predictable and yet still-exciting Something that happens when you meet and the sex is great and there is some chemistry between your minds. I could go back through this diary and count them all up, and measure the optimism or lack of as they march across the years. So. It is Something. She is nearly 50. I am 22. She is hard muscle and sinew, soft touch and fierce kisses. I am squishy-soft and should probably go to the gym. We fuck like we really need each other, and leave the beds a mess. Sometimes we have adventures, hand-in-hand, and sometimes the conversation drifts off into nothing. I am empty of optimism or expectation and I know that both of our attention is divided among each other, and the others we both keep. It seems safe and sensible, and yet- it's exhilarating, how good it can be when you get really good at sex and each other.

My grand American adventure continues. Possibilities open up, perhaps I could stay. I didn't realise until a week later that I had forgotten to mention this possibility to my lover. She seemed surprise that I might not be leaving in October.

- |+

[My life. For real.] - 2007-11-26

[Full moon] - 2007-09-27

[Unwinnable] - 2006-08-09

[Sydney Grrl] - 2006-07-16

[travelgirl] - 2006-02-20