| now is | once was | came from | heard tell |

11:45 a.m. - 2004-09-09

Sprung

I went out among the lesbians last night, as I so often do if it's a Wednesday and I have the price of a few beers in my pocket. I actually was dragged out earlier than I would usually go, by an ex-lover (the bartender) who had a blind-not-date with a femme I vaguely know. It cost her two margheritas, so I was happy. It was silly hanging out with her, teasing her through the thick, awkward silence between unknown butch and unknown femme. I got a few friendly kicks under the table for my efforts.

I wandered down to the other lesbian pub some hours later to find the boi, who was looking rather more lesbian than usual, attractively so. We had a beer together then decided the surly crowds were too much and headed back to the pub with the music and entertainment. And it was strange when I got back there, standing with the boi to one side, the bartender to the other (she had by this stage lost all interest in the unknown femme), and behind her the blonde woman who has lately been so heartbroken over me. I felt like... for once... the princess surrounded by admirers. A delicate and stressful but somewhat enjoyable experience, and a nice change from being usually the one queueing for attention. I got terribly drunk, after paying for only one drink all night and that because I insisted. I am now incredibly hung over, but still buzzing with the different content of the night.

There was a powerful energy about last night, entirely separate from me and the games I play with women. As though spring started for real today and everyone's pheremones came flooding forth as their libidos woke up for the season. The boi and I, looking very coupled together, got constant looks from the curious. The unknown femme almost fell over herself when the boi had a few words to her, so flustered was she by the mystery of a well-groomed handsome stranger on my arm. As flustered I think as I am about it all, utterly mystified by her. I told the bartender that I didn't think things were serious with the boi, because of my past habit of falling hard and being crushed in these interactions. She put her arms around me and apologised for the way she treated me, which was entirely unexpected.

My house is having a party this weekend. It's been a while.

- |+

[Phone Home] - 2005-02-22

[She hurts, even from here, she hurts.] - 2005-02-11

[Two weeks and counting] - 2005-01-31

[Dirty] - 2005-01-20

[Here Now] - 2005-01-18