| now is | once was | came from | heard tell |

10:45 a.m. - 2004-07-15

this is it

I'm getting better at staving off hangovers and other morning-after effects. Turning up to work after a night out on the scene is substantially more feasible now than it was six months ago. This is a good thing. Perhaps it helps that I've been seeing a lot less of the lesbian scene in the past few months than I was six months ago.

Odd for me- usually becoming single (it happens far more often than I might prefer) impels me to dress up, go out, consume unreasonable quantities of competence-inhibiting substances and attempt to claw back some sense of being a viable, attractive human being. This time though it seems to have pushed me to do more things like stay at home and cook huge meals which I then try to force my housemates to eat.

So going out last night was a nice change. It astounds me how fast the lesbian scene regenerates itself. In a matter of weeks there are hundreds of faces I'm sure I've never seen before, and many of the most frequent faces have vanished. Perhaps it's the midwinter breaking-up and pairing-off: fresh batches of both.

It was wonderful seeing the ex out, looking great and having a good time. It was also lovely hanging out with my miniature femme friend. Most of all though, it was terribly odd seeing a woman of bad influence I haven't had much to do with in the past six months. Six months of attempting to meet up and failing dismally, generally due to her apathy. So I see her and of course there is an ill-advised pash by the doorway just as it's all getting too much and I'm thinking I have to head home. Electricity, but ambiguous. I wonder if she was just marking her territory for the benefit of the crowded pub audience, or if I am some sort of experiment for her. Testing the waters for her grand re-entry to the lesbian scene.

Anyway. It seems I am caught up in a re-cycle. I haven't had a sexual experience with someone new in a startlingly long time. It keeps being these faces re-emerging. I wonder if I've already met all the good ones?

- |+

[Phone Home] - 2005-02-22

[She hurts, even from here, she hurts.] - 2005-02-11

[Two weeks and counting] - 2005-01-31

[Dirty] - 2005-01-20

[Here Now] - 2005-01-18