| now is | once was | came from | heard tell |

3:17 p.m. - 2004-06-28

winter comfort

The performance rocked. We were great. Many, many things fucked up, but none of them were our fault, and they didn't impact at all on the quality of the show. So that's all that should be said about them, I think.

After the show, and cleaning up after the show, I went out dancing and surprised myself greatly by being home and in bed before dawn.

On Friday night the bartender and I had a date; it was all going fine until later in the night, past midnight. She went quiet suddenly, introspective, and wouldn't talk to me. She used to do that the first time we were seeing each other and I would just take it, trying to talk her out of her mood and feeling terrible for whatever I'd done to annoy her. But on Friday night when she pulled the same trick, I gave her a while to snap out of it, and when she didn't, got up, put my clothes on, kissed her on the cheek and walked home.

She called in the morning and we met up at a rally for gay marriage and parenting rights. She was just as uncommunicative there and left half way through without much in the way of explanation. I didn't fret about it though. I was enjoying the rally, enjoying the speeches and the crowd and my friends, and besides, I had rehearsals to think about.

But later that evening, before the other performers and I had to head off to the venue, I called her. We talked about things that to me are really basic, about context and respect and obligation (or lack of). She seemed so surprised to hear them from my mouth. I told her off about a few things and lay down some ground rules about good behaviour, bad behaviour and the infliction of one's mood on others. By the end of the conversation she sounded happy- exuberant even- asked me to come around to her house before the performance. I did, and she was smiling and affectionate and happy. I think she was astounded that I hadn't taken her mood personally, had taken it as the storm in a teacup that it was, and had actually dealt with it without assuming it was in any way my fault.

We had another date last night, and it went perfectly. Beyond perfectly. It was wonderful. It got later and later as we talked and talked, then she made me recite her a comprehensive list of my kinks (which took a good deal longer than you might imagine). She has not spent nearly as long thinking about these things as I have, but she named some I hadn't thought of. We had incredibly good sex, which made me think that I'm teaching her lots of good things at the same time as I'm figuring them out. Which is a nice feeling.

I woke up happy this morning. How often does that happen?

- |+

[Phone Home] - 2005-02-22

[She hurts, even from here, she hurts.] - 2005-02-11

[Two weeks and counting] - 2005-01-31

[Dirty] - 2005-01-20

[Here Now] - 2005-01-18